Throne of Glory
by nekked
Summary: A glorious throne for a glorious man. — Usopp/Aphelandra


**A/N:** _I do not own One Piece or any of its affiliated characters._

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><p>Well, she was tall. That was a given. Through the early morning fog it had been kind of hard to tell if she was a woman or some sort of structure.<p>

"Oh, that's…uh…" Luffy struggled to come up with her name. Not surprising. She stood off quietly to the side while many of the other girls had rushed us as soon as we'd vacated the Sunny. His tiny brain could only process the names of those he came in direct contact with. I, on the other hand, am way more observant. An attribute that makes me an excellent captain.

"That's Aphelandra," the blonde with one stocking scolded him as we made our way through the streets.

"Sure. Yeah. The one who blocked me with her boobs," he shrugged. Oh. I'd have to ask him about the details on_ that_ one later. Another brush off moment that comes with being a complete dunce and landing on an island inhabited only by women. Not that I still felt bitter over that. I'm just saying. If_ I_ had been dumped here instead, I would have made it a _priority_ to memorize the names of _all_ the women at my disposal. Another excellent quality only expected of a leader such as myself.

Before I have the chance to ask anything else, I'm being shoved into the dirt as the really pretty lady we saw leaving Sabaody barrels her way through the crowd. She sweeps Luffy up into her arms and monopolizes the attention of the massive throng of women. From where I'm laying on the ground I can see Sanji's trousers, so I attempt to grab his leg and maybe get some help. Apparently I've picked the wrong time to disturb him, since next thing I know he's falling on top of me, blood running down his shirt front and nonsense about today being the day he dies streaming from his stupid, grinning mouth. His perversion making my life infinitely harder. Nothing new.

"Are you alright?" I hear someone ask.

Yes. Of course I'm alright. How could I _not_ be. The world's dirtiest mind is laying on top of me in such a way that my legs are cramping to the point of numbness. They may need to be amputated. Yep. The right leg is definitely reaching the cut-this-leg-off point. And my ribs hurt. I won't be surprised if some of them are broken.

"Here, let me help you," the voice says sweetly.

Did I expect to be picked up and set on the ground? Well, that's usually what happens, right? I instead feel myself being picked up by my overalls and placed on a giant shoulder. Words would not come.

"Luffy-san told us he had other men in his crew," she murmured, lifting a giant finger to poke my nose. "He didn't tell us how interesting they would look."

I'm wondering if I should take offense to that, but she's giggling too loudly so I opt for covering my ears and grimacing.

"Why is your nose so long?" She asks. I give her my most intimidating stare, the one I save only for those people who apparently cannot appreciate the beauty that is my nose.

"You're awfully rude for such a pretty girl."

"Rude? Me?" She seems taken aback, and almost horrified that I've accused her of such a travesty. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Usually one considers other areas of conversation first before venturing into personal questions," I say, leaning my hands back on my perch. "For instance, asking why my nose is long might imply that you don't find it appealing."

"Oh no, that's not it at all. I wanted to see if you'd tell me," she pointed at herself and smiled warmly, "because I thought you might ask me why I'm so tall. It's best to share these kinds of stories if someone's curious, no?"

Touche. The question_ had_ entered my mind. I suddenly felt kind of sheepish for calling her out. I cleared my throat.

"Well, if you must know, it was stretched," I started, leaning into her ear so only she might hear. She gasped.

"Stretched? How?"

"I was taken captive and tortured by the marine's," I continued, adding a mysterious note to my voice. "Before I started sailing with Luffy I was the captain of my own pirate ship."

She gasped again, turning her head slightly to look at me sideways.

"That's amazing! …uh…" She looked at me confusedly. I smirked, jabbing a thumb at myself.

"Some call me the Terror of the Seas. Others, the King of Chaos," I swung my legs a little and grinned from under my hat. "But you can call me Usopp."

"That's amazing, Usopp-san!" She lifted her arms in the air and said it a little too loudly, my head starting to ache.

"Ya know, it might be about time to let me dow-" I noticed for the first time that I could see everything from here. I had pretty much the best seat in the house. Granted the show wasn't that great. From where we were I could see the Shichibukai lady down on her knees begging Luffy to do something. Something about marriage. It didn't matter though. This seat I held, where I towered over everyone physically as well as intellectually; I was the only one who could sit on this perch here and use it properly. Yes, this was the proper throne for a man as worshipped as myself. "On second thought, I like it up here."

"Aphelandra!" I heard the familiar voice of the blonde one behind us. Everyone else in the crew minus Luffy was with her.

"We're escorting Luffy-san's friends to the palace," she said, turning and walking down the road. Nami was the first to notice me.

"Usopp! What are you doing up there?"

"Oh, you know," I said casually. "Hanging out."

"Here, I will help carry your things," my giant companion offered, leaning down to grab some of Nami's stuff (assuming since at least half the stuff we'd brought ashore were Nami's essentials). I gripped a chunk of her hair and held on for dear life. She winced.

"Ow!"

"Sorry! Ya gotta warn me first if you do things like that. Not that there's much to grab onto up here besides hair."

"Aphelandra," the blonde called again.

"Coming! Ummm…" She seemed to contemplate something for a minute, then looked at me. Without a word of warning, she snatched me from off her shoulder and placed me in the confines of her cleavage. I heard Sanji raging before I could even process what was happening to me.

"Sorry, Usopp-san," she said as she took off running to catch up with her comrade. "If you don't mind, I'd like you to finish the story."

_This woman has no qualms about stuffing me between her breasts and actually wants to hear me tell stories about how glorious I am?_

"Ya know, Aphelandra," I mused, freeing my arms up and resting them on her boobs like I was sitting in an arm chair. Even if I wasn't as high up as I'd been before, I was still higher than everyone else. And infinitely more comfortable. "You and I are going to get along just fine."


End file.
